Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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