remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we made out on top of his cat.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize