I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize