I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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