You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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