IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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