There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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