This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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