You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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