better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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