A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize