I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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