If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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