You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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