opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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