If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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