I want to have your abortion
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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