We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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