What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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