Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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