Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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