She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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