i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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