Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
