part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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