I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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