I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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