Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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