Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize