I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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