Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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