Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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