I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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