when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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