A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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