So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize