My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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