My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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