I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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