Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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