I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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