either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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