you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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