I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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