My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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