I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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