I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I could make wine with my vomit
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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