Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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