We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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