just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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