my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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